1 Second...Every Couple of Days

Once upon a time, not very long ago at all, I didn't have an iPhone or any kind of smart phone. And still I fell in love with the 1SecondEveryday app when it was a Kickstarter project. This little app embodies so much of what I love---snapshots of everyday, memory-keeping and EASY.

In July 2014 I FINALLY got a smart phone, because we were moving and I needed Siri in a very real way. The power of being able to ask, "Directions home"  in a new town cannot be underestimated. 

It wasn't until I saw Elise Cripe's first 7-second video on Instagram that I remembered that Kickstarter idea I had loved. So I started 11 days into 2016, and there have been some weeks when I capture only one or two seconds. I let go of perfection and embraced capturing what I can. And I love it.

Golden Seconds from 2016 Part 1 from Deirdre Keating on Vimeo.

Five Things I Learned in June 2016

Inspired by Emily Freeman’s series and a tradition in my besties’ annual letters, I’m sharing a few of the things I learned this month.

1. Friendship doesn't solve everything, but it makes everything more enjoyable.

This month I've felt so grateful for the good friends our boys have, for old friends passing through town, and my own tried and true as well as new friends. 

2. Sharing one's friends is one of the most generous acts.

Welcoming new people or the intermingling of friends from different parts of one's life can be challenging. I am not the best at it, but I have been on the receiving end of it and know what a gracious gift it is. 

Freida was the first friend I made in Golden after she rescued my boys from the wrong bus stop on the first day of school. She eventually invited me to her book club and it has been such a gift to gather with smart women and laugh about books, motherhood and life. 

My friend Angie is a master at this---she was created a new community out of disparate parts of her life, and this group has gathered for girls weekends for several years. This fall, for the first time, all our kids will be in the same place at the same time. I'm over the moon about it and sending occasional texts with the countdown of days.

3. Anticipation contributes to the actual experience---at least for me.

I would have loved to have surprised Sean on his 11th birthday by actually leaving that day on our trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Life didn't allow for that, and in retrospect, I'm glad. I love looking forward to the trip, knowing that, while we aren't taking any big summer trip, we have an adventure of our own on the horizon.

Besides time away with my favorite people, I'm most looking forward to the ocean. And looking forward always feels good to me.

4. New favorite podcast: Brooke Castillo

I've been driving the boys to summer camp at Mines all week, which has made me realize how much I rely on the time alone to listen to podcasts on my commute! I've been learning so much from Brooke Castillo's podcast, and still am amazed that so many people share great content for free. A post of favorite podcasts is coming. 

Also Malcolm Gladwell has a podcast now!

5. Other than the newly discovered podcasts in #4, none of these are new lessons or big surprises. But that is what summer is for---taking in blessings and things you knew and relishing them. So grateful for summer!

Sean at 11

"What they don't understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you're eleven, you're also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don't. You open your eyes and everything's just like yesterday, only it's today. And you don't feel eleven at all. You feel like you're still ten. And you are --underneath the year that makes you eleven."

From one of my favorite short stories, Eleven by Sandra Cisneros

The many Seans within his 11 year old self.

Sean let me know, the day before his birthday, that his great heroic journey was about to begin. 

"Harry was 11 when he went to Hogwarts," he explained, "and Link is 11 when he starts his journey. Eleven is also the Ewok age of coming, when they get their slingshot and put on their hood." Sean is an Ewok expert.

It is also the birthday that I've been thinking about ever since we finished the Harry Potter series. I had to search past Facebook posts to remember exactly when we finished:

[note to self: Facebook is a pain to search. Do not use it as your memory-keeper!]

When we finished the book, Sean asked me if I thought he might get a letter from Hogwarts on his 11th birthday. He confided that he knew we were all muggles but he thought he just might be wizard.

And so was born the idea of surprising him on his 11th birthday with a letter...

It includes an invitation to Hogwarts... at Universal Studios for this fall. 

I wanted to capture Sean at age 11 in this post, but that's an impossible task. He is growing and changing and figuring out who he wants to be. He is a bit adamant about being a nerd, and his two best buddies, Leo and Luke, have joined him in what they call the "nerd herd" at lunch. My understanding is that their game involves a mish-mash of Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. 

I see no conflict with Sean's embrace of nerd culture and his love of sports, but he does and we have ongoing conversations about stereotypes and not needing to conform to any one box. He still loves soccer and running, and is playing baseball this spring (when the snow allows). He loves cheering for the Blackhawks along with his dad.

Some things remain constant, like Sean's love of reading, writing, drawing and acting. Here's a glimpse at some of his past roles:

(Superman, Buzz Lightyear, the Wise Man, "An Old-fashioned Thanksgiving," Huck Finn, and an elf in "The Hobbit")

Current Favorites at age 11:

• Color: Green
• Food: Hamburgers
• Dessert: Hawaiian Ice
• Book: Fellowship of the Ring
• Movie: Star Wars
• Song: "Concerning Hobbits"
• Game: Ocarina of Time
• Sport: Soccer

He still plays violin (above with his two best buds), and has been teaching himself the piano this year. He says he still plans to live in the Irish countryside and be a blacksmith, as well as write and draw comics. 

Just before his birthday, his godfather, Uncle Kevin came to visit. In a magical, serendipitous moment Sean asked my brother, who has never been into videogames really, what his favorite game was as a kid, and he said, "Probably Ocarina of Time." I don't think Kevin knew that Sean is slightly obsessed with Legend of Zelda, was Link for Halloween (even though everyone thought he was Peter Pan) and has taught himself to play the theme of Ocarina of Time on the piano. He was on cloud nine having Uncle Kevin play with him and point out things he never knew. For me, it was a "cup overflows" moment of gratitude.

Kevin also gave him a few too many tips on chess, and taught me, a rudimentary player, how to castle correctly. For his birthday, Sean received a book on how to beat anyone at chess, with key points highlighted by Kevin and annotated with his own advice. The rest of us have been forbidden to read any of it, and I think it may be my favorite gift any of our boys have ever received.

The past year also brought Eve, Sean's long-longed for tortoise, and a side gig as a personal trainer, and his first non-party birthday party (we stop at age 10) which involved pizza and ice cream cake, his best buds, "Jungle Book" at the theater, and a ton of time on the trampoline, playing Wii, and ghost in the graveyard. For his first year without a party, it still felt a lot like a party.

Then again, most things with Sean do feel like a party. In January he told me his goal for 2016 was to be more positive, which I thought funny because he is a pretty positive kid. A long time ago I said something to him and Nolan about how we can choose to make "a heaven or a hell" out of anything, and he loves to remind me of that whenever I throw a fit. He still loves to snuggle, still loves to wrestle his dad, and is the bridge in our family between the childhood world of Nolan and the teen world of Aidan. 

I'm excited to witness the heroic journey ahead!

You Can’t Go Home Again

You can’t go home again, wrote Tom Wolfe, because your home will have changed, and so will have you.

Still, you can visit what was once your home, which will only highlight all that has changed, and all that you have lost and all that you have gained. That’s what we did the first weekend after school let out for the summer.

___________________________

I had been debating for days whether or not we should drive by our old house. The house had only been framed when we bought it in 2004, so the hours and muscle and money we poured into making it a home had made us extremely attached to it. I sometimes joked we could never move because it would be so odd to come back (so many people move away from Moab---and then move back) and have someone else living in our house.

I was verklempt just driving past the stop sign where our boys got off the bus in 1st grade, and was sure we were making a mistake driving to the house.

Then we turned a corner and saw this green house. Not our house, but a green house. And we all started laughing. It was like a gift---it was so clearly not our house anymore. Several neighbors recognized our car and we had a mini-reunion in the middle of the street. The new owners could not have been more gracious and gave us a tour of all their renovations and updates. And I felt elated. The house I had loved, the one I brought my babies home to and found so hard to let go, no longer existed. I’m so happy it has a brand new face and that the new owners are making it all their own.

___________________________

When planning our trip, we each contributed to a short “must-do/see” list for our weekend. Mass with our much-missed community at St. Francis was easily a “must.”

I know this will shock you (ha!), but I was always critical of our parish in Moab. Not enough youth programs, not enough Glory & Praise songs, etc. At the same time, I knew we were blessed to have found a home parish at long last. It’s where we celebrated almost a dozen Nativity plays, Nolan’s Baptism, Aidan’s First Communion as well as Sean’s. And it is where the boys met and fell in love with our dear Miss Bobbie.

We went to at least four different churches before settling upon one here in Colorado, and after attending the same one for several months, Brian leaned over one Sunday and whispered, “Just so you know, when I go, I want my service at St. Francis.” That was out of character for Brian in many ways, but it reinforced what we all still feel---that our home parish is in Moab.

Shave Ice from Tropical Sno was also on our list, as well as dinner at the Diner, lunch at Milt’s, and breakfast at Love Muffin. Check, Check, Check.

I wanted a Friday afternoon at Old City Park, just like old times. Grateful to CeCe, Catherine, Marva, Liz, Kathy, and Natalie ---who came out, despite some thunder and the threat of rain. It wasn’t the same lazy afternoon, with mamas on beach towels and blankets, but it was close---it’s impossible to avoid the intensity that limited time brings. One huge highlight was Aidan getting to see his best friend, whom we all thought wasn’t going to be in town that weekend. They were too cool to hug each other, but they both had huge grins on their faces the whole time.

The weather didn’t cooperate with biking or hiking, but as great as that would’ve been, this short weekend was all about seeing people. Brian got to meet up with his friends for a beer. I got to hug Miss Tiger and have a fast chat with Sarah, and a crazy adventure at Woody’s with Christy. The boys had gaming with friends at Moab’s Library on their must-do list…but couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t let them check out a pile of books! Christy met me at the library, and we solved world problems as well as our own while pretending our kids were still toddlers in the play area. Christy makes me laugh as hard as she makes me think---a rare treasure.

So grateful to our friends, Kathy and Tom, who hosted us at Hotel Lacy. Loved sitting on their patio talking about old times and new times with them and the Wallings, while we all pretended not to notice the boys sneaking so many marshmallows that they were all gone by the time we went to make s’mores!

As anyone who has moved knows, not all friendships survive the lack of proximity. When you are no longer part of the minutia of each other’s lives, it can be hard to get past the generic: “How are things?” “Things are good.”

It made me appreciate Instagram---I loved being able to ask a friend about the race she’s training for, or when others knew little things that aren’t important enough to mention but that, ultimately, are the things that matter most to us.

And then there are the magical friendships where you just pick up where you left off and it feels like, surely you’ll see each other again tomorrow. The friendships formed while raising your babies and toddlers are as intense as the ones from college---when we were raising ourselves!

On the six-hour drive home we stopped at Chipotle and guess whose writing was on my cup? My old friend (even if she doesn’t know it) Barbara Kingsolver---writing about the importance of community.

She writes that scholars who research social well-being have found that the happiest people aren’t the very poor or the very rich, but “the ones with the most community.” (Interestingly, Mexico, Ireland, and Puerto-Rico are named as the places with the strongest sense of community).

Back in Golden, I was happy to see Duke and our house, but, as a friend here pointed out, I was comparing 10 years worth of community to the 10-months worth that we have built here.

There are numerous reasons why we left Moab, and just as many why I’m glad we are here, but I do wonder if we’ll make the same ties.

I’m working full-time now, and am grateful for the smart and funny people I get to work with daily. But those connections will never compare to the ones made while you are both trying to nurse your babies at a park.

I’m part of a book club here and we live on a cul de sac with great neighbors…but I’m working full-time now, so where will the time come to connect in the same way?

Our kids are older now. So, while I’ll get to know their friends, I can’t imagine I’ll know their friends’ parents in the way that you automatically do when your kids are little---when your friendships dictate who their friends are.

At times I feel too old and tired to make good friends again. I have enough already, and too little time to be the friend I want to be to my old friends. At other times, I feel like the manic bear in YOU WILL BE MY FRIEND! If only I could shrink the world. My close friends are spread out, not just in Moab but in different states. My old friend in New Zealand calls and I feel that relief---I can tell her a story and not have to fill in all the background or the cast of characters. She’ll get it. New connections require more effort, time, and energy than I have.

___________________________

And then I remember the words of women wiser than me. Karen Maezen Miller would tell me, “You have all the time in the world.” Anne Morrow Lindbergh advised us to remain “empty, open, choiceless as a beach.” And young Jess Lively says, “Our purpose is to serve others in the present moment wherever we happen to be.”

I’m not quite sure what to do with those words at this point, but I know in my heart that they are true.

And that you can go home again---so long as home is not a place.

In the end (and the beginning), Moab is no longer our home.

But it will always be our Holy Land.

Around Here

Sean turned 10, closing out the spring birthday season around here. I love that crazy expression above. I had hidden the Wii game in with a shirt, and it was the last gift he opened. He is a sticker (like his dad) for manners and didn’t express his disappointment, but when he finally found the game, he was ecstatic. He’s been working on his literary scrapbook of Tom Sawyer. He wanted The Hobbit, but someone else got it first. No worries, though, because he will get enough Hobbit this summer---he’s in a play production of the novel this August. Honestly, I would be lost without Sean. He is an incredible helper, especially with his little brother. Reading, drawing, listening to music, playing soccer, and arguing about obscure details are still his favorite things.  

Aidan grew another foot, or so it seems. He’s past me and gaining on Brian. He somehow managed to wear us down, and introduced his brothers to the legends of Zelda. He finished his science experiment on how food digests (pretty grossly, imo) and is counting down the days until school is finished. He went on a weekend retreat with our church youth group, and has spent many hours this spring bent over the drafting table in his room drawing. He passed his first Tae Kwon Do test last month too. He got out of school early one day, so I picked him up and brought him back to my work. He read at the Starbucks in the building. I tried to imagine being his age and sitting at a campus coffee shop. I hope it had a fraction of the impact it would’ve have had for me at age 13. Lately he says he wants to live in London when he’s older—partly because he thinks his British accent is so good.

Nolan wrote the above book, with my favorite part being his “About the author” page on the very back. He turned seven in March, which I think was very inconsiderate. He is our baby, and in some ways is so grown up now and in others, the same sweet little boy. He’s learning to be more assertive on the soccer field, and he has two best friends, Will and Annabelle. When my sister came to visit last month, he and his cousin Henry declared each other “best buddies” and played LEGOs nonstop, and somehow managed to sleep in the same bed. He’s a reader now, and I’m just as surprised at how it seemed to happen overnight as I was with his brothers. He’s dying to start the 5th Harry Potter book, but I’m holding off for as long as he’ll let me. He’s already growing up too fast!

We have made the big transition---to a new state, new town, and new jobs. To be honest, at 45, it’s been exhausting. I feel guilty complaining because we have been so lucky every step of the way. Unexpected gifts everywhere---our house sold within weeks of being on the market. We found a furnished rental in Golden, which is almost unheard of, and in the heart of our little downtown, which was incredibly fun.

We had an amazing, patient realtor (I’m linking to her here, in case you too are looking for a home in the Denver area; she’s that good). We found a house with a real backyard (also slightly unheard of around here), near good schools and with less than 15 minutes commute to either of our jobs. Great neighbors---including teenage twin girls who became our afterschool babysitters as well.

And I got a job, doing things I love like learning, writing, and capturing things with my camera.

And yet, I still complain because none of it has been easy. At least once a month we each have a “We’ve made a big mistake!” moment in which we question every decision of the past year and wish we were back in Moab. Luckily, they’ve never overlapped or we might have packed up and gone back.

Transitioning from free-lance to full-time has been the hardest change for me. That’s a topic for another post. Brian has been amazing, of course. He’s taken on more than his share of the chauffeuring, and took all three boys to their dentists appointments and well-child visits this spring. I’m grateful for that, but it stings a bit too.

Brian has had to travel quite a bit more for this new job, and fire season is starting (I may be the only person thrilled by all the recent rain, secretly hoping it means fewer fires). He continues working on the house, painting trim and closets, and hanging frames.

The hanging of frames, like these in our entry, are the real signal to me that this place is becoming our home.

 

Easy Memory-Keeping via Facebook Screenshots

The above image is from my favorite photo app Collect, another tool for easy memory keeping.

Are you ready for the laziest blog post easiest memory-keeping ever?

To say this summer has been a whirlwind is an understatement.

During one of the busiest weeks, my friend Lara challenged me to share three gratitudes for five days on Facebook. I’m so grateful to her for the challenge, because it helped give me perspective each day and realize how much I had to be grateful for (it was often hard to just pick three!).

And now I have those posts as a bit of memory-keeping of a time that will soon be a blur. Even with its timeline, I find Facebook difficult to refer back to and just never do, whereas I love revisiting old post here. So I’m going to repost that challenge here---just so I’ll be able to find it again!

The challenge started the day after our See-You-Soon party, but more than anything we are grateful for good friends and the wonderful send off we felt.

 

 

Golden Days Ahead

We’re moving! It’s finally official. I posted on Facebook and Instagram about a week ago, and have tried to let people know in person, so if you’re just learning about it now, my apologies.

After months of limbo, not knowing if we are staying or going, I’m grateful just to finally know!

Brian has accepted a job offer from the U.S. Forest Service. He’s been running the Fuels program (fuels reduction =prescribed fire) for the BLM’s Moab district for ten years, and now will be managing the program for the Rocky Mountain region, which includes five different states.

A huge change, but one we are welcoming. I can’t even articulate why. On paper and in my head, it makes no sense. We love Moab. We have great friends and community here. Our next-door neighbor Carol is like an extra grandmother to the boys, as is our beloved Miss Bobbie. We love this house. While this job will be a promotion for Brian, even financially it makes sense to stay---we could have this house paid off before collage tuition bills start arriving, and Moab has a way of helping you save money merely by not having any stores. The nearest Target is 150 miles away.

And yet…in our hearts and in our gut, it makes sense.

Our kids are young enough that the move won’t be brutal (though Aidan might disagree). With our youngest starting first grade, I’m eager for more opportunities to work. Brian has missed the trees and green of Oregon ever since we left. Lots more opportunities, more colleges, and a real airport nearby, something that’s become more important as our parents grow older. But the real reason for our YES to this opportunities doesn’t stem from any of those reasons but from an overall sense that we’re ready and this is the right offer.

Almost 20 years ago, Brian and I spent weeks camping and driving through Montana and Wyoming in hopes of deciding where we would want to land after we finished our service in Russia. I had a panoramic photo we took on that trip of the Rocky Mountains in the background, a road in the foreground and the Colorado river between the two. We hung it on a wall in our little house in Selikhino, Russia and looked at it daily for those two years. Then it got packed away and forgotten while our work took us Oregon and then Utah.

Until now. I keep thinking about that photo and the forgotten wishes your heart makes that come back and surprise you.

Image by the uber-talented Jake & Jamie Bartlett of A Pair of Pears, based on a quote from “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.”

Last month was the first time I have missed an entire month of blogging since restarting the site in 2011. I have multiple posts sitting in my draft folder, and I hope they don’t sit there until we are unpacked and settled in our new home---because I have no idea how long that might take! I’m so grateful to everyone who stops by our little corner of the web and I hope you’ll continue to accompany us on this next adventure.

Here’s to the unknown!

Summer & Book Bingo

The last bell of the school year will be ringing here in just two more days.

Even though this is not a Facebook post, I’m sending you to Buzzfeed. Their comparison of Parents at the Beginning of the School Year vs. the End sums up how I’m feeling.

I can’t wait for summer, even if it does mean the end of time alone. Olaf and I have our own delusions about summer.

I don’t like the desert heat, I really dislike the unpredictable timing of solo-parenting during fire season, and I’ll miss time alone to get some work done.

Still, I love summer! My boys are home, and we can plan our days around Sean’s baseball games and trips to the library and swim lessons. We are keeping this summer purposefully simple. Here are the three things we’re trying:

1. I won’t be scheduling any more photography sessions this summer. Check back in September for a fun kick-off to a new season.

2. We detest book logs! Having to record something every time you read can turn one of our favorite activities into a chore. But the boys have always been intrigued by my Book BINGO (hat tip to my friend Lara Smith!) and have come up with their own version for the summer.

If you have an independent reader (maybe ages 8 to 14?), they are welcome to download our Book Bingo sheet here or sign up at the website Aidan and I have been working on: Summer Book Bingo

The site will likely go private on June 1st so kids have until then to sign up there.

3. Block-scheduling. We like structure (okay, I like structure), even if only to have a plan that we deviate from daily. We’re still working on putting together our summer bucket list and some parameters, like no screen time in the mornings.

In a few weeks I’ll update on how or whether we’ve found our groove. Meanwhile I’d love to hear your plans or outlines for summer with kids!

Here’s to lots of books and popsicle sticks!